Mission accomplished
There are milestones in my life as a transgender I really look forward to, but at the same time they fill me with fear, fear of the reactions of the 'threatening' outside world. In recent years I have gradually achieved different milestones, such as going out with painted nails without feeling embarrassed. It all started with painting my nails with a transparent nail polish. Then I polished one nail in a color and after a while I had polished all my nails. The same applies to the use of makeup. At first I just used a little mascara, then a kayal line, foundation and finally (purple ;-) ) eyeshadow. I realize that I write this very briefly, but this has been a process of years. In my choice of clothing the same trend can be seen. I started with feminine tops, skinny trousers and at this moment I no longer wear traditional "men's clothing"; mostly I wear feminie jackets, lacy camisoles and colorful shawls. In my personal growth as a human being I have reached the point that I can be myself without reserve, well, almost. I actually never leave the house without make-up, my nails are almost always polished, and my dress is downright androgynous or feminine. What milestone still instills fear or fright in me? People who know me a little, know that I love to wear dresses and skirts, but that I will not wear it outdoors. It has been my ultimate wish for a long time, to go out in a beautiful long skirt. For example, that beautiful long black skirt that is hanging in my closet for ages. The past few weeks I felt that the moment that this would actually happen is getting closer. My confidence has increased dramatically in recent months, partly thanks to the support from you readers. You have made me realize that I must be true to myself and that I should ignore these narrow-minded people who think that everything that deviates from the norm is strange and/or perverse.When I got up this morning I had the idea that it might happen today. I would today, if the conditions are right, to go outside in a skirt. I realize that reading the last sentence, it sounds trivial, but to me this is a huge step, emotionally. However, I felt that I was ready. But first I had to do some chores, such as finishing the job with the dishwasher. After I finished it to my satisfaction, I went shopping; I bought a very nice shirt and a nice lace long sleeve t-shirt at H & amp; M. In short, I felt great and strong. When I got home, I saw Taigo, our polar dog, looking at me with his questioning eyes: he had to go outside. This was the moment I had been looking forward to for years. I went to the attic to get my new long black skirt of 'New Look' to be combined with my new jeans jacket 'Only'. But when I was all dressed up, I hesitated. Did I have the guts to take this step here and now? My heart pounded in my throat as I stood at the door. I needed some moral support, so I decided to turn to my 'lifeline' in the person of Myrna with whom in recent months I have talked a lot via Instagram and Whatsapp about my life (as a transgender.) Myrna reassured me and encouraged me to take this step today. Literally, she said, "Keep calm, breath and go. Fuck everything. I beam force to you at this time. Come on, step out quietly" Thanks to her I decided to open the door and to step outside with Taigo. I tried to walk relaxed, but I actually saw everyone looking at me: cyclists, pedestrians and motorists. And trust me, I'm really used to it that. But this really hit anything! Luckily, I had my iPhone to look at, displaying Myrna who kept talking to me during the entire walk. After a few minutes I regained my peace and I could enjoy the walk in the sun. After about 20 minutes I was back home. I was overjoyed, relieved and proud of myself. I am very grateful for Myrna given me the extra boost that I needed. After reaching this milestone, I can feel I can conquer the whole world. Mission accomplished!